Actually, to be more accurate … I did a weird thing this morning. It didn’t just happen. But it is so surprising to me that I did it – that I’m not even sure how to frame it in my brain. I suppose it’s not really a big deal, but this morning I was sitting on a picnic table by the duck pond down the street from where we live. I was sitting on top of the table because there were lots of red ants crawling all around the ground, so I was keeping my feet well away from the ants.
I was just sitting, meditating, thinking, watching the pond, enjoying the morning. Feeling peaceful and present. Decided to go home and wash my car. I usually walk to the duck pond, but today I drove because my knee was a little sore from walking yesterday. I went home, spent about an hour washing my car. Noticed I didn’t have my phone – must have left it inside. But when I went inside, I couldn’t find it. What?!? Asked my friend to call me. Not in the house. Not in the car. NO! I didn’t! I couldn’t have! I wouldn’t have! There is NO WAY! No way. No way. No way!!!
I got in my car and drove up to the duck pond. Pulled in to where I’d parked earlier. Nobody around. My phone rang as soon as I pulled in – and I answered it, wondering where it could be in my car that I didn’t see it earlier. Then I looked to my left and I could see my phone sitting there on the picnic table. I exclaimed to my friend who was calling (to help me look for the phone) that it was “on the f-ing picnic table!”
That may seem like strong language – like a strong reaction – but honestly, I CANNOT believe that I left my phone behind! Like, it is completely incomprehensible to me that I could have gotten up, walked to my car, got in, drove home, washed my car and spent over an hour not noticing that my phone was missing. Well, I sort of noticed, but I assumed it was just on my desk inside … because of course it was. Where else could it be? But it wasn’t. It made me seriously question – is something wrong with my brain? I didn’t feel ungrounded – on the contrary, I felt very grounded and present. So, how could I have walked off without my phone? Walked away without looking back to check that I had everything? It’s just so weird and uncharacteristic of me.
As weird as it was, I don’t think it was an accident – and I don’t think anything is wrong with my brain (well, anything more than normal, LOL – and I say that with affection toward myself, please don’t take it the wrong way).
I think it was actually a message. I think it was the Universe telling me that It’s got my back. I am safe. Even if I screw something up (like leaving my phone behind), it will all work out okay. Nobody came along and took it. Over an hour later, it was still right where I left it. If I’d known it was there that whole time, I would have been freaking out! But I didn’t know – and everything was okay. So, maybe I can stop freaking out in general. Maybe I can stop trying so hard to control everything. Maybe I can just relax and know that the Universe has got me. Even if I mess up, all is well.
Everything that I need comes to me. Everything I need to be aware of comes to me at the right time. What is mine cannot be lost and cannot pass me by. I am always attracting my good to me. I am always attracting everything I need. I can relax and just be. I can relax and trust and let go of the stress of trying to pay attention to everything and trying to manage everything. I can breathe and know that all is well.
It still perplexes me that I could have left my phone behind. HOW?!? And yet, I’ve been asking the Universe to teach me gently. I’m tired of pain and fear. I don’t want to be pushed. I just want gentle, easy lessons. So, this feels like a fairly gentle, easy lesson – a reminder to have faith. A reminder to trust. A reminder that forces beyond me are looking out for me and communicating with me and guiding me. One of the things I was thinking as I sat “alone” at the pond – is that I’m never actually alone. I’ve always got my whole team of Angels and Guides with me. I’m still thinking/feeling into if there is anything else there for me.
Gratitude. A reminder to be grateful. That’s also there. I am so grateful that my phone was still there. And I am so grateful for how every moment of my life is working out – and all of the plans that are in the works too. I’ve got lots of things happening in my life, including another cross country move (back to near where I started from, but that’s another whole, long story – and this whole out West experience was necessary for my evolvement). So many balls in the air, so many things undecided. I’m not even sure where I’m going to land when I get to the vicinity of where I’m going. I’m flying on faith. I’m not sure about housing or about another future part-time job that I’ll be adding to my schedule. But there’s this rock-solid knowing that everything is working out and I’m heading to where I’m supposed to be. And maybe this was a reminder of that – to not slip into any sort of fear or disaster thinking – but just to quietly, calmly know that everything is working out and all is well. From the little details to the big ones – the Universe has got me in every way and I am grateful!