Rather than focusing on all of the good things that could happen, I’ve fallen into the dreadful habit of considering all of the potential risks, disasters, or various other “bad” things that could happen – and have managed to basically shut down my life, locking myself into a prison of my own fearful thinking. All of my caution and “control” hasn’t actually kept me safe at any time. On the contrary, terrible, painful things have still happened – and my fears and caution have only inhibited my aliveness and my life choices. My fearful thinking has shut me down and sometimes even left my will to live hanging by a thread.
My greatest passion in life is to create and hold safe space for people (including me) to be our full, authentic selves – in all of our uniqueness and diversity and sacredness. I want you to feel safe to explore, to question, and to be who you really are. Get in touch with your inner voice, your true feelings, desires, and beliefs. Who are you when you let go of perfectionism and approval seeking – and instead simply allow yourself to be fully human – to be YOU?
Sometimes the Universe doesn’t give us what we want and believe we deserve. If we pay attention, we just might see that we’ve been given something even better – and that the delays and struggles were essential to our path.
Just in time for Fat Liberation Month (May), I am releasing my latest book, Embracing Awkward: A Collection of Writings on Life, Love, Body Image, Fat Liberation, Sexuality, Vulnerability, and Standing Strong. This book is fat-positive, sex-positive, contains some profanity, and the last chapter is sexually explicit in parts. It’s not for everyone, but some of you might love it!
So, what do we do if we find ourselves feeling trapped in our own minds, stuck in our lives, too tired and overwhelmed to move forward? Well, first of all, being evaluated by a doctor or mental health professional to rule out physical causes is a good idea. Beyond that, though, what can we do to help ourselves shake off the doldrums and the lethargy that have us unable to move in directions that get us closer to the lives which we want to be living? We need to reach for MORE.
I think and write quite a bit about “trust your path” and “pay attention to the signs” and those sorts of philosophies. And yes, for the most part, I do believe in those basic concepts. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I nearly always believe them at least on some level – but that sometimes (frequently?) I resist them anyway. Trusting is oftentimes much easier said than done … particularly when I feel like the Universe just isn’t listening to WHAT I WANT! (LOL) … Life has got me feeling like I’m dangling on this precipice, about to drop – and I’m not sure how far I’ll fall or how/where I’ll land – but what if Life is just stripping me of all of the things that are keeping me from living the authentic, loving, connected life that I really want – that I’ve always wanted?
I’m not really sure how to talk about this, but I am sure that talking about it is likely to help someone feel less alone – and may even help – so I’m just going to jump in. I’m just coming out of a dark night of the soul. I’ve had a few in my life. They just seem to happen from time to time – I’m not even always sure why. Sometimes life just seems overwhelming and/or hopeless, no matter how much optimism I try to inject or how many affirmations I say. The masks fall away and there I am, feeling alone and broken and like my life will never be okay again.
I just need some space – away from thoughts and feelings and expectations of who I should be and how I should think, talk, feel, and act. I want to stomp around a bit. I want to stand strong in all of who I am. I want some silence in my mind. There’s a whole lot of things that I want in my life. I’m no longer relying on positive thinking, attracting, manifesting, or “allowing” – coupled with my hard work – to get them. They’ll happen or they won’t – but it won’t be because I was or wasn’t good enough or worthy enough or spiritual enough. It will be because that’s life. And shit happens. And good happens. And life happens.
Girls and women generally aren’t allowed to enjoy or embrace our sexual power, pleasure, and/or play. Female sexuality is commodified and used to sell everything from toothpaste to cars to vacations, but it isn’t allowed to freely and openly stand on its own. Real life versus media life is such a bizarre dichotomy we all (mostly) put up with or endure. Fairly strong social expectations and strictures keep most of us “in our place.”
Our ability to move forward despite our imperfections, our willingness to embrace our imperfections, and our determination to live our full lives and share our imperfect gifts – are all steps toward healing. Allowing ourselves to be imperfect is a step toward healing.