Rather than focusing on all of the good things that could happen, I’ve fallen into the dreadful habit of considering all of the potential risks, disasters, or various other “bad” things that could happen – and have managed to basically shut down my life, locking myself into a prison of my own fearful thinking. All of my caution and “control” hasn’t actually kept me safe at any time. On the contrary, terrible, painful things have still happened – and my fears and caution have only inhibited my aliveness and my life choices. My fearful thinking has shut me down and sometimes even left my will to live hanging by a thread.
Sometimes the Universe doesn’t give us what we want and believe we deserve. If we pay attention, we just might see that we’ve been given something even better – and that the delays and struggles were essential to our path.
The Universe has always provided for me, and even though from my limited human perspective I don’t see how that will happen in the future, I do expect that to continue. Nothing happens that isn’t meant to happen, and what’s meant to happen, happens. I may not always understand it, but I do have faith in that. I’m holding onto that faith.
Maybe life is just life – and we have the experiences we are meant to have regardless of whether we ask, pray, affirm, or otherwise request what we want. I’ve had too many synchronicities and signs to believe that I’m not guided or that there aren’t angelic messengers or some kind of Spirit Guides or organizing force/s at work in my life. I’m just questioning my ability to have much influence on what happens. I’ve had many good times and many bad times in my life – and very little to no control over how it was going. I’d like to say I’ve had control over my attitude – but even that is barely true. I’ve tried to keep a positive attitude as much as possible, believing that was the “right” thing to do – but I’m starting to wonder if that isn’t another toxic belief that prohibits us from a full range of necessary and appropriate emotions. Maybe we all need to spend a little more time with our anger. Maybe we need to not let things slide, not look on the bright side … but rather fix the shit that is going wrong and is unacceptable. Maybe we need less civility and more social justice, less programming (religious, spiritual, social, cultural) and more authentic passion and expression.
I think and write quite a bit about “trust your path” and “pay attention to the signs” and those sorts of philosophies. And yes, for the most part, I do believe in those basic concepts. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I nearly always believe them at least on some level – but that sometimes (frequently?) I resist them anyway. Trusting is oftentimes much easier said than done … particularly when I feel like the Universe just isn’t listening to WHAT I WANT! (LOL) … Life has got me feeling like I’m dangling on this precipice, about to drop – and I’m not sure how far I’ll fall or how/where I’ll land – but what if Life is just stripping me of all of the things that are keeping me from living the authentic, loving, connected life that I really want – that I’ve always wanted?
Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to go. Many times, our plans, hopes, and dreams get disrupted. When that happens, we can choose to look for the gift(s).